freedom lost

Lounging on the sofa now… Finally managed to ease that sudden surge of anxiety – a common occurrence since I came home. Strange… isn’t home supposed to fill me with a sense of security and ease? Apparently not. In contrast, my mind has been largely muddled and lost since I returned from what I once thought is a horrible, lonely place. Now I value the freedom and friendship I‘d found there. The freedom… of juts spontaneously meetin up with friends – poppin into C’s flat or hopping onto a bus to S’s place for mahjong or juts wandering around town on my own, yet no longer feelin a wave of loneliness, for I’ve finally rediscovered ease with myself, though alone amidst a bustling crowd.
Since I’ve come home, my mind has also been plagued with a sense of loss on multiple occasions. First it was my collection of accessories, then my Vodafone SIM card (and it had to be the 18-month contract one), and now a poster. Well, the 1st item has since been found but not the others. And I’m as yet nowhere near to finding them. I haven’t even an idea of where I last saw them… where I’d kept them. Damn! Damn! Damn!